Excalibur

From Zeugma

A long time ago in a land far, far away...

Oh screw it I'll just get to the point!

According to Arthurian legends, Excalibur was the mystical sword given by the Lady of the Lake to King Arthur. May it be known that Excalibur is NOT the sword that was pulled out of the stone to assure his kingship (that sword shall not be given a name... probably because the author was too damned lazy to do it). The sword does not make Arthur invincible, but it does make him pretty darn close to it. All other swords compared to Excalibur become like paper mache against steel... nothing can stand against it.

However, Excalibur is not without it's limitations. Once one gets their paws on it they never seem to want to give it up. When Arthur is dying he asks his friend Sir Bediviere to throw the sword back in the lake. Now... that would be like being given a briefcase of a million dollars passed down in some grand inheritance... and then asked to be thrown into the ocean by todays standards. NO ONE WANTS TO DO THAT!! But, then again in Arthur's day you were beheaded, flogged, stretched, or castrated for not following a king's dying wishes... a luxury that we, fortunatly, do not have to put up with today. So, despite the grip of power, Bediviere throws the sword into the lake where it returns to its final resting place. No other king has claimed it because, according to Arthurian legend, Arthur was the most "kick ass" of all!

Since no one knows what Excalibur really looked like... this is my imagination of what an all powerful sword from the bowels of the deep (or hell) would look like (aint it beautifully wicked??):

Contemporary times have made Excalibur take on a different meaning. One is the great Las Vegas hotel (yes yes I know it looks like Disneyland, but it isn't, despite the fact both live up to the name 'crappiest place on earth' with the tendency to suck your bank account dry faster than a hooker) where unfortunately, you can't go around holding magical swords that will make you win at every single slot machine or poker table. But perhaps you can decapitate the dealer for taking all your money...?

(I am in the mid left blowing my grad school tuition on slot machines, three seats down)

And, according the greatest site to give the history of metal music, <a href="http://www.metal-archives.com">www.metal-archives.com</a>, Excalibur is also a death metal band from the Czech Republic formd in the late 90s with 5 albums under their belt before they split up.

I have never heard this band before but I sure as hell will probably check em out some day... if I ever get over the fact I need to spend the monumental price of the almighty Wrest (one of the gods of U.S. one man black metal) Lurker of Chalice for 85 dollars...

- this wiki info was stolen, remixed, ridiculed and abused by Colin McNamara of English 544 fame

Excalibur is the greatest hotel/casino in Las Vegas! Actually, that's a bold faced lie, unless you consider my biased opinion based on my strange ability to consistently win at the blackjack tables there. Moving on, this mystical castle was created based on the mythical sword that King Arthur possessed. It is often confused with the Sword in the Stone which is often referred to as a completely different weapon. Supposedly this sword gave King Arthur unmatched weapon power as well a relatively all powerful aura as is depicted in the following picture: <img src="/zeugma/index.php/C:\Documents and Settings\labuser\Desktop\wizardliterod.jpg" alt="" /> Since I am still internet dumb as a brick, the picture might not have come out right but it is an awesome picture of a wizard reaching for a lightning style sword. Yeah, pretty cool. I think it might be a little intense, but it gets the point across. It can also be found at <a href="http://www.crystalinks.com/excalibur.html">http://www.crystalinks.com/excalibur.html</a>

M. Suponitsky

Excalibur

From Zeugma

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